Madeline

This blog post is not going to talk about grief. This is going to focus specifically on my stillbirth, induction, and delivery experience. I hope you approach this blog with an open mind. This is not a pro-life vs. pro-choice conversation. This is not political. This is women’s health. This is real life. This is my life.

Before I start talking about my experience, I want to make sure we’re on the same page as far as terminology, procedures, medications, and their purposes.

1. The Cleveland Clinic states, “A stillbirth happens when the fetus dies after weeks 20 of pregnancy.”
2. The National Library of Medicine defines induction of labor as “a common obstetric intervention that stimulates the onset of labor using artificial methods.”
3. The National Library of Medicine, when discussing the medication misoprostol, says, “Misoprostol is a synthetic prostaglandin E₁ analogue that is used off-label for a variety of indications in the practice of obstetrics and gynecology, including medication abortion, medical management of miscarriage, induction of labor, cervical ripening before surgical procedures, and the treatment of postpartum hemorrhage.”
   • Misoprostol is often referred to as Cytotec, as that’s the brand name.
4. “Mifepristone works by blocking the effects of progesterone, a hormone needed to maintain a pregnancy. This causes changes in the uterus that, when used with another medicine (misoprostol), result in the end of the pregnancy.” -WebMD discussing mifepristone

We have no clue how long Oliver had been inside me dead. I had no signs or symptoms he was gone or anything was wrong. I felt him kicking the morning his heart stopped, but I’ve since learned those could have been phantom kicks. We’ll never really know. My body showed zero signs of labor, even after we’d arrived at the hospital hours later. We could have waited to see if I went into labor naturally, if my body recognized he was dead, but the mental and emotional pain I felt knowing my baby boy was gone was too strong. I couldn’t bear another minute knowing he was inside of me dead. I needed him out. I needed to hold him. I needed to feel like time wasn’t at a stand still waiting for something to happen. And this is the reality for, unfortunately, too many women in the United States. My experience is not unique.

Because I was showing no signs of labor, I had to be induced. Since I was 27 weeks pregnant, the management of my son dying was different than it would have been if I were only, say, 12 weeks pregnant. Because of Oliver’s gestational age and size, we knew I would have to deliver him as if he were a full term baby. My body hadn’t begun the process of letting him go.

In came a treatment plan that was a combination of mifepristone and misoprostol (yes, that combination that we all know is referred to as The Abortion Pill). I was 0 cm dilated when we began inducing labor. My body hadn’t recognized that Oliver was dead. The mifepristone blocked progesterone production in my body, which led to my cervix preparing for labor by softening and opening. The misoprostol was used in conjunction to cause my uterus to contract. And contract it did. I felt them, and they hurt.

The only other induction option I had was Pitocin, which we used, but wasn’t effective. And just a side note, in case you didn’t know this: Pitocin is not recommended to use if you have previously had a c-section as it can increase the risk of uterine rupture. So in some stillbirth and induction cases, Pitocin very well may not be an option, simply to protect the mother. Which leaves two medications to induce labor after your baby dies in the womb: mifepristone, and misoprostol.

We have all seen the articles surrounding The Abortion Pill. We’ve heard people talk about it, we’ve seen it debated in Washington D.C. We’ve seen tweets and TikToks and Facebook posts about it, no matter what side of the abortion debate you’re on.

But here is what I desperately need everyone to know: these medications are IMPORTANT. These medications are NECESSARY. These medications are not just for elective abortions. These medications are for women who find themselves in awful, painful, unimaginable situations like I have.

Oliver was wanted. Oliver was prayed for, begged for. Oliver was loved, and Oliver’s death crushed us all.

But at the end of the day, the only way to get Oliver out and start the grieving process was to induce labor using mifepristone and misoprostol. Access to these medications saved my life. We need to discuss what could have happened if I were not able to have my labor with Oliver induced using these medications.

There are very scary, very serious consequences when women are not given access to these medications to induce labor after IUFD has occurred. IUFD is inter uterine fetal demise, which is the medical way to say your baby’s heart stops in the womb. After fetal death occurs, the tissue breaks down quickly. This breakdown can increase the risk of bacterial infection, and these infections can lead to sepsis and become serious and life-threatening for the mother.

There is also a blood clotting disorder called Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation, which can develop if the baby remains in the uterus too long after death. The mother’s body begins to use up its clotting factors, which can lead to internal bleeding or hemorrhage. This can increase complications during delivery, whenever that occurs.

Delaying labor induction carries terrifying and very real risks for the mother. Her life is at risk. I was at risk. Every minute Oliver was inside of me dead was a minute closer to infection and complications. An already traumatic, devastating hospital trip could’ve gotten worse very fast had I not been induced.

And my induction would not have been possible without mifepristone and misoprostol, aka The Abortion Pill.

When you demonize The Abortion Pill, when you vote to remove its access to women in your state and/or the country, you are putting the lives of women you know and love at risk. No one is safe from losing their baby in the womb. It is far too common, and complications are far too great, for it to no longer be an option for women in the country.

I want you to keep mine and Oliver’s story in mind as you go through life and see abortion, mifepristone, and misoprostol debated. I want you to remember that someone you know could have died without its access. I want you to remember that it could have been me on July 16, but it could be you tomorrow.