Madeline
Life After Loss
Category: Uncategorized
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Today is November 17, 2025. I am 18 weeks postpartum. And I am having a very, very, very hard time with the impending holiday season. When I was pregnant with Oliver, November-December is what I dreamed of the most. I knew newborn nights would be hard, but imagining them by the light of the Christmas…
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Child loss is quiet when you’re in the ultrasound room after hearing the words, “There is no heartbeat.” No one knows what to say. There is nothing to say. There is only the quiet sound of your tears and your breaking heart. Child loss is quiet in the delivery room. Doctors and nurses struggle with…
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When I first got out of the hospital after delivering Oliver, I couldn’t wait for time to pass. I wanted to put so much distance between myself and July 16 that it couldn’t hurt me anymore. I wanted to escape the aching feeling I experienced when I thought about him and what all I would…
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This blog post is not going to talk about grief. This is going to focus specifically on my stillbirth, induction, and delivery experience. I hope you approach this blog with an open mind. This is not a pro-life vs. pro-choice conversation. This is not political. This is women’s health. This is real life. This is…
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Time passing feels weird these days. In a way, it feels like I left the hospital yesterday. But in some ways, it feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes I think about the time that has passed, the Madeline I was in July, and I don’t recognize her. I don’t know if I prefer the fresh…
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Trauma manifests in ugly, uncomfortable ways. One of the most unexpected ways my grief has presented since Oliver died is in the form of agoraphobia. Which has been truly unexpected, because while I love being at home with my pets, I also have always loved going out, seeing my friends. spending time out and about.…
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Grief is a whole body experience. You feel it deep inside your mind, all the way to the tips of your toes. It affects every square inch of your body. As I venture on my own grief and healing journey, I’ve noticed how deeply I feel grief all over, but especially in every corner of…
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Grief is everything and nothing. Grief is a constant cycle of mourning and guilt. Grief lingers, always behind you like a shadow, and can sense when you’re doing better. That’s when grief comes back out. Grief doesn’t allow you to forget it exists. Grief demands to be felt. Grief sits heavy on your chest, pressing…
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Tomorrow will be 5 weeks since Oliver was stillborn. In the 5 weeks, I’ve kept a running note in my phone of all the things I want to talk about, all the ideas I have to share with others, all the moments I want to capture. Usually, these thoughts come to me in half asleep…
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Supporting someone after the death of a child is complicated. You hear people often say, “There are no words,” and it’s true. There aren’t any words. Oliver was born sleeping exactly four weeks ago, and I still don’t feel like even I have the words, and I’m the one living it. The people who love…
Madeline 